Sunday 16 September 2012

What is a good life?

What is a good life? This question has made me consider, quite seriously, what or who defines whether or not we are living a good life. Certainly society does a very good job at trying to convince people that they need to have a large house, husband and wife, two kids, and a dog among other material items, in order to have a good life. To me, these things would be nice, but not necessarily essential in order to live a good life. Ultimately the good life is different for all people and to generalize and say there is only one way of living a good life would be wrong. However I do believe there is one thing that measures a good life, and that thing is love.

If you can find love in your life and surround yourself with the people and/or the things that you love, you are probably living a pretty good life. If you love rock music, or gardening, or painting, or reading, writing, or whatever it is that you love, and if you can find a way to surround yourself with these things, you are probably living the good life.

I do think I am living a good life because I only surround myself with things that I love, like my school, my friends, my family, music, movies, and books. I also try very hard to share the love and improve the lives of those around me. Success in the area of love, I think is what can be used to measure a good life.

Here are a couple of links to some things that I love:
1) Song, "Don't Wait Too Long" by Madeleine Peyroux
2) Song, "Caroling, Caroling" by Nat King Cole (Because I love Christmas Time)
3) Film and Book, Pride and Prejudice, (Click on the link to watch a clip from the movie and please read the book. It's lovely)

Tuesday 21 August 2012

The Way I See It

If there is one thing in this world that makes me feel like building a time machine and travelling to another century, it is the way women are presenting and portraying themselves in today's society. You may not know this about me but I am a very old fashioned girl. I love watching old black and white films starring Doris Day, Cary Grant, Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, Katherine Hepburn, Humphrey Bogart, and James Stewart (to name a few). I listen to jazz music. Some of my favourite artists are Miles Davis, Nat King Cole, John Coltrane, Diana Krall, and Julia Keefe. To me, this music and these actors are symbols of a time when American and Canadian society was respectable. Looking back to the 1950s and 60s I find inspiration not only from the fashion and music, but from the women who were portrayed in films as strong, independent, secure, and confident women. They knew exactly what they wanted, and they knew how to get it. I find that one of the biggest problems I face today, is finding adequate role models who were born within the past 30 years. Take a look at most women in the spotlight right now and you'll find little worth admiring. So today, my blog will explore some of the problems that women face in the twenty first century and how we can overcome these roadblocks and be strong like our mothers and grandmothers were during the feminist movements of the early 1960s.

Before MTV, men were falling at women's feet to propose to them, and why? Because they were strong, independent, and fierce; empowered by things like the feminist movement. In fact I know of several women in their 50s and 60s who said they had been proposed to about 10 times in their life. Now some women I know have proposed to men. Somehow, after the '90s and early 2000s these roles have reversed. Now, because of the media and other factors, men can treat women however they want. Walking down the street, I've heard several men refer to women as b*tches. I was completely shocked and appalled. How many guys do you see lined up to ask the floozy girls to marry them? None. Do you know why? They want a women who can challenge them. They want a woman who is independent, not needy and desperate.

I feel enraged and frustrated when I read headlines like, "Rihanna: 'The Slightest Things' Remind Me of Chris Brown." Here is a young girl who is undeniably beautiful. She could have any man in the world who would treat her like a queen, yet somehow she has let this man (Brown) brainwash her into thinking that love means beating the crap out of someone. Rihanna is a terrible role models for young girls in society today, if not the worst. She uses only sex to become famous, and is surrounded by people who continue to bring her down. By far the most terrible song, S&M, shows just how insecure and weak Rihanna is.

With lyrics like, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excited me" Rihanna is practically a spokesperson for domestic violence but is disguising it as "love" and affection. She is hiding behind a mask of sex and drugs and acts as if this gives her power over others when in fact it does not.  If we were to take away these things that have shaped her identity and role as a sexual symbol, she would have to be more powerful than ever because her wisdom and intelligence would be all she has to hide behind. When I look at Rihanna I feel sorry for her. She is immature, and acts like a child screaming out for attention from the opposite sex.


Now take a look at this picture of Doris Day and Rock Hudson in the 1959 film Pillow Talk. What do you see? First, Rock Hudson's character, Brad Allen, is looking at Doris Day's character, Jan Morrow. She is not looking at him, wondering if he likes her, planning their wedding and all three of their children's names in her head. In fact, she doesn't even really notice he's there. She looks concerned about something else. The lack of a desperate expression on her face is in fact what draws Brad to Jan. She's confident, classy, has her own career, and she's beautiful; everything a man could want in a woman. This, among other factors, is what makes Brad go after Jan. Because she isn't all over him, asking him on dates, wearing promiscuous clothing, or dying for attention. Jan stands apart from all the other women in the film, because she is not smothering him with attention like so many other women are. Somewhere along the line, women have lost this control over men, and have become desperate, clingy, dare-I-say floozies, and it's because we no longer have these strong independent role models in our day-to-day lives. (If you have a chance to watch Pillow Talk I highly recommend it)

Now let's take a look at this clip from the 1989 film, When Harry Met Sally (notice how the title does not say "When Sally met Harry," but refers to the man meeting the woman and falling in love, not the other way around)
Sally represents a strong career woman who is focused on her business trip, and wants nothing to do with Harry at this point in time. In this way, she sets herself apart from all the desperate women who are practically dying for a man's attention based on the way they dress and the way they speak to a man. Sally exudes confidence and poise, and this not only is what makes her attractive, but also what makes her an admirable candidate for the position of a female role model. Throughout the film, Harry and Sally are obviously attracted to each other, but Harry is the one who ultimately decides that he wants to marry Sally and be with her for the rest of her life. (See full movie here)

Now please do not get me wrong.  In no way am I saying that we women should just sit around doing nothing and wait for a man to propose to us. In fact that is the opposite of what I am saying. I'm saying we should go out there, get an amazing job that we love, live our own lives, be independent and strong and go after what we want. We have to love ourselves first before we can expect anyone else to love us, and when the man proposes it is the woman who has control. She has the power to say yes or no. Like I said I'm old fashioned and just don't understand why women feel like they need to act like lunatics to get a man's attention. In the twenty first century, the way women go about getting what they want has changed dramatically. So many young girls are getting pregnant, and are being glamorized and celebrated for this. Yet they still end up with no job, no stable career, and are unhappy. Of course there are exceptions to this rule, but just take a look at what has happened.

During the feminist movement of the 1960s do you think that women fought for our ability to go out in public half naked, swear like a sailor, have babies at 17, and live off of men for the rest of our lives? An emphatic "Hell NO" response is justified if you ask me. They fought for women to have equal pay, to choose abortion or contraception if necessary, to own their own property, and to have access to a good University education. Women rose up, to become equal to men in both the business world and at home.  They did not do this so that women could dance half-naked around a man in a rap video. So what the heck are we doing? We owe it to our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, cousins, and those women and men who have come before us and fought for our right to be equal. We have to at least try to be the best that we can be and be confident while doing it. I'm just so sick of what's become of women in the eye of pop culture today and I think that we can still change it. There's still time to fix what's gone wrong. I don't see these people (Nicki Minaj, Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, etc.) as role models, and I never will.

I know this is a controversial topic and there are those who may not agree. I would love to hear your arguments in support of the way women are represented in today's society. I will listen with open ears (or read with open eyes) and take what you have to say to heart. Again let me just say that of course there are exceptions to what I have said. Many women have children at a young age and go on to finish University, get a great job, and live what I like to call a "leading-lady life." Also there are some promiscuous women who get married before the leading ladies but these are all exceptions to the rule. I'm for restoring the strength that I know every woman has inside of them. We need to find that courage, go after what we really want in life, and do so with poise.

It all comes down to this. Who would you rather be? Audrey Hepburn on that bicycle, or Britney Spears?




















Here are 5 things that you can start doing RIGHT NOW, to help restore your confidence and the image that you present to the world.

1) Stop dressing like you're 12, and start dressing appropriately for your age.

2) Stop swearing in public (or in private for that matter) because it makes you look like you're compensating for something.

3) Do something that you are passionate about. If you love to bike, go for a bike ride. If you love to paint, take an art class. If you want to learn how to cook, take a cooking class. Always wanted to know how to speak Spanish? Pick up Rosetta Stone on your way home from work.

4) Take care of yourself. Eat right, and exercise. You'll start to feel better and your confidence level will rocket sky high.

5) Learn to love being with yourself. I find people who always have to be with friends, or family, or their boyfriend, just can't stand being by themselves because maybe they don't love themselves. Find time to be by yourself, even if it's just for an hour everyday, and each day write down one thing that you love about yourself. This could be that you are always compassionate, or even that you always have perfectly manicured nails. But each day try to find one thing that you love about yourself. If you can love yourself, then other people will love you too!

I hope this blog helped some of you. Talk to you real soon and have a nice day

- ctj

Thursday 16 August 2012

Salt Baby... A Review

It was all over Facebook. Salt Baby! Salt Baby! Come and see Salt Baby!

I tend to ignore things that are popular on Facebook, but the title of the play intrigued me. I had never heard the term Salt Baby and so I decided to read the tag line. It read as follows:
What's it like to grow up as a contemporary First Nations person who doesn't look like a typical Indian?
I was immediately hooked. I grabbed my friend Sara, who also wrote a blog about the play which you can read here, and we decided at the last minute to see Salt Baby. Written by a young playwright by the name of Falen Johnson, this play explores the problems that an Indian girl from Six Nations runs into as she tries to find her place in the big "city." She questions what it means to be "Native" and whether she should just abandon her cultural roots and go completely white, or whether she should move back to the rez and do what is expected of her. When she enters into a relationship with a non-native, Salt Baby finds herself more confused about her identity than ever. Not only was this play easy to relate to, but it also serves to make the audience think critically about why society puts so much pressure on people to identify as one thing or another.

With a touch of drama, other-worldly psychic realms, and just enough humour to keep you thoroughly entertained, Salt Baby was a success. I have to admit, it started off kind of slow, but by the end I couldn't get enough. The topic that I found hit closest to home, was that we young native girls feel a lot of pressure to be with a native guy and to have native babies. It's all about keeping the native blood lines strong. Even though my parents haven't come out and explicitly said, "You must marry a native man" the pressure is there somehow, hovering over you. It's hard to explain, but I know it's there. In a way, I feel like I've shut myself off from all possible non-native suitors. I have strictly dated native men and I personally feel like I have compromised my self-respect and integrity in the process. At points I was trying so hard to find a native guy, any native guy, that I dated some pretty sketchy characters. It was a learning experience and a mistake that I will never make again, but the pressure is so strong and the resources so limited that it can have the effect of making a girl quite desperate. You see, I myself am only half native. While growing up on a reservation I do not feel half white, I know that if I have children with a white guy, my kids will only be a quarter native and to them I would be doing a disservice because being native is being awesome.

It must seem strange to you, if you are reading this blog post and you had no idea that Canada even had reserves, or that Native American people are not in fact extinct, but that we are much alive and practicing our traditional customs. That was another important issue that Johnson brought up in Salt Baby. The issue of cross-cultural misunderstanding. There is a lack of communication between our cultures. We know so much about Canadian and American culture, and even though we are a huge portion of the population within Canada, you know so little about ours (thanks a lot, Media). Sometimes I feel like an outsider, both within my community and without. Outside of my community, my non-native friends can't fathom what it's like to have grown up on a reservation, or simply don't understand that it's inappropriate to call me Pocahontas, or say "HOW" when they greet me. It's actually kind of infuriating, and this type of frustration was displayed throughout Salt Baby. Within my community, my people don't seem to understand why I want to be friends with white people. They are all under the mindset that we need to stick together and you should only have friends who look, think, and act like they do. So personally I feel like I'm walking a fine line. I want to be true to my people, but at the same time I know that the world is a big place and to just be one way would be wrong.

It's a constant daily compromise. One day I find myself relating more with my friends from University, and the next day I flip flop and feel like they just don't get me and they never will. Ultimately the message that I got from Salt Baby was to just do what makes you happy. If you are happy then you will make the people around you happy and you will make the world a better place. This blog has been kind of rushed as my family is waiting for me to go to a dinner party, so I may come back and make more changes, but I hope you enjoyed reading this. Please share your experiences with me. Do you have any of the same feelings? If so let me know so I don't feel like such an outsider.

Thanks for reading and have a great day,

- ctj

Sunday 12 August 2012

Heavy T.O: My Experience

As a person who listens to Coldplay, Nat King Cole, and all Christmas music ever written, it might seem strange to you that I was at my first ever Heavy Metal Music Festival last night. The circumstances that lead to me being at Heavy TO last night started about two years ago. I met this cute guy named Ron. We fell in love. The rest is history. As it turns out his favourite band is Slipknot, and so I agreed to go see Slipknot with him last night at the Heavy TO music festival.

Leading up to the concert, I was nervous. I didn't know what to expect. In my mind I pictured thousands of people pushing and shoving me. I was told to do a YouTube search of the "Wall of Death," which is this thing that sometimes happens at heavy metal concerts. The Wall of Death consists, basically, of the crowd separating into two sides, with an empty space between them. Then all of a sudden, and for no apparent reason, they start to run and crash into each other. None of the above things happened at Heavy TO.

In fact it was quite the opposite. No one seemed to bother me, or even pay attention to me. And if they did it wasn't to crash into me or scream, but to politely ask a question or make a funny comment. Aside from the ridiculous amount of mud, the off and on rain showers, my feet being horribly uncomfortable in my Steve Madden combat boots, my pounding headache, and the fact that I was nearly freezing to death, I might have had an awesome time.

One thing I did get to enjoy was people watching. As an "outsider" I was interested in observing the sub-culture of Heavy Metal Lovers (which by the way is also the title of an amazing Lady Gaga song). I had always thought that the reason people listened to metal was to reject the mainstream culture of popular music, and the whole idea of conformity all together. Well from what I could see last night, metal music is all about finding a place to belong. When you feel like you don't match what is deemed as popular, or wrongly considered normal by the majority of society, metal music can provide a place that feels safe.

The Heavy TO festival was just one opportunity for metal lovers to come together and feel like they belong. I felt like the outsider there, and I couldn't help but think that this must be what it feels like for some of these people when they go to a shopping mall, or a place where everyone else is the same, but they're the odd one out. It was a very eye opening experience for me, as I don't usually feel out of place. It felt somewhat liberating to be there with a group of people who didn't care what I looked like, where I came from, what my race is, or why I was there. It felt liberating to not feel like I was being judged by anyone. And now I can see why so many people flock to the heavy metal music scene. It's almost as if you can finally be your true self there, and not have to worry about what anyone thinks of you, because they just don't care.

I must say, that while I might not actually enjoy the sound of the music, I would definitely consider going to another one of these music festivals. And were it not for the inches of mud that I had to trudge through, and the rain, I might have actually had the best time of my life. Until next time, have a nice day,

- ctj
 The Mud
 The stage

Thursday 9 August 2012

Who Am I?

First things first. I would like to introduce myself. My name is Chelsey Tyler Johnson (middle name is Tyler). I was born three weeks early during a blizzard in Buffalo, NY on February 13, 1990. A month after I was born I almost died. I was the first born child for my parents Lisa and Tim Johnson, and one night my mother thought that I was having difficulty breathing. My parents didn't know what to do so they rushed me to the hospital. Thank goodness that they did because one of the doctors told them that if they had waited one more hour to bring me in, I would have died. I was diagnosed with Yellow Jaundice. My parents were informed that this is very common in Native American babies, and that I was lucky to be alive. 

Of course, I don't remember any of this, but somehow knowing that I almost died when I was a month old, makes me extremely grateful for the gift of life, and for my wonderful parents. 

Skip ahead about six years, and the most defining moment in my entire life was about to occur. By this time my parents had moved me and my younger brother, Ryan, to Canada. But my brother and I were spending one hot summer weekend with my Italian grandmother in North Tonawanda, NY. My grandmother (or as I would call her, Noni) would often take us for the weekend. Partly to give my parents a break, but mostly because she loved us more than you can imagine. 

Well one weekend we were visiting her. It was just so hot in the house that she decided to take us to the movie theatre to see Babe so we could sit in the air conditioning. Before we were about to leave the house I remember asking her if I could have a piece of gum. She said she had to go to her room to get some. I watched her walking down the hallway and going into her room. She never came out. 

We waited. My brother and I. For I can't even remember how long, before going into her room to see what was taking so long. When we walked in we saw her laying on the bed. We didn't really know what death was so we thought she was sleeping. We tried to wake her up. We screamed "Grandma, wake up. Noni! Noni!" But she just laid there. I got up on the bed and shook her. I must have pushed her off the bed because the paramedics told my parents that she was on the ground when they got there, but I don't remember. Ryan was crying as he said, "She's dead, Chelsey, she's dead." He was only 3 or 4 years old. I yelled at him, "No she's just sleeping." 

Really I knew what had happened, but I didn't know how to process it. Ryan was only 3 and I was only 6. I didn't even know to call 911. So we just stayed in the house with her for hours. It seemed like it was all day long, but I'm told we were with her for 3 hours until a neighbour saw us through the window, crying. I don't remember much after that but it was the most defining moment of my life. Everything that came afterwards, was somehow a reaction or a response to my grandmother dying. Every relationship I've ever had with anyone has never been the same since. 

I don't mean to make you depressed, or sad, but this is the story of my life. It got a lot better, trust me. I made it through elementary school, high school, and university with decent grades. I'm now going back to McMaster University in September 2012 to get my Masters degree in Communications and New Media. I have an amazing boyfriend named Ron, who is a firefighter at the local fire department. I have a cat named Shadow, who is the fattest, funniest cat ever. 

I hope to post on this blog quite often. And I would love to get to know you as well, so don't be afraid to follow me on Twitter @chelseytyler, and send me a tweet. Talk to you soon, 

- ctj


 My mom, dad, brother, and me.
 My Grandma and I, at my first birthday party
Me and my brother